It’s almost here…It feels like another big piece of flesh has been added to every part of my body. I feel tall, I feel big , I feel energized . I know it’s only a mind set that every time you are about to add a year, you grow. You grow in all places; be it experiences, the way you handle different situations, the way you handle money. Maybe age comes with wisdom or maybe it also comes with burden. The kind of burden that seems more than just a cross…the burden that needs bearing, the burden of living, of making ends meet, of trying to live each day as a brand new one and still find that it’s all difficult to try.
I am just a girl. A girl in her early 20s and it’s like I have lived long enough to be wondering what the future holds but I don’t speak from a place of hopelessness. I speak from a place of fulfillment…don’t get me wrong. I don’t have everything I have ever dreamt of, aligned in my favour but at least I have what I deserve aligned right in front of me. I have been loved recklessly for reasons I know and for those that I don’t. I know there are people I can truly count on and that’s enough to push me to live on and do better.
I still love the smell of the soil when rain drops gently hit the ground. I still love sharing the same plate with a loved one because it always does some sort of bond building. I tend to build bonds in which place I go to. Maybe it’s an addiction or maybe it’s a character. I build bonds with buildings, with my agemates, with the elderly, with pets, with children, with eateries. The living and the non- living are my muse. I find joy in knowing that I can make some of them smile or happy just at the thought of me or by my presence. If it’s a place, I always build a bond with one particular corner and there and forever , it becomes an “until death do us apart” thing. I am not a psycho. I love to read everything. I could take an evening walk just to read people’s facial expressions, the different car number plates, the posters in the neighborhood, a newspaper at a bookstore or shop. These things are fulfilling.
Today, I am very grateful for what the Maker of the universe has consistently modeled me into. He who perfects everything that concerns me, has done so diligently. On the very days when my own strength can’t carry me through, He gives me strength like no other. When I need joy, I have found it in Him. My soul is at rest knowing that I have one who cares for me deeply. Imagine having a friend who never fails in any situation, who; provides, cares, loves, protects and constantly assures you of a bright future. I find that I have a friend in God and better still a Father.
I know for a fact that for a child to grow to a certain age, there is a group of people who are constantly impacting it’s life. I have been blessed with a very supportive family. My parents and siblings hold me in high regard. There are days I think to myself and wonder why they have too much faith in me. They will do everything and anything to see me happy. My father is a very quiet man but even in his quietness I can read the kind of hope he attaches to me. To speak about family and not speak about my relatives would be a crime. I don’t particularly subscribe to my dad’s side nor my mum’s. I don’t draw a line between the two because for me they have all been equally good to me. They have loved me in all possible ways. They go out of their way to see me happy. It melts my heart every time.
Friends…I could lose my breathe if I had to mention each one of them and their impact on my life. When I speak of Friends I mean Friends; the kind that are friends in need and out of need. The background system behind my wins and my joy. My friends celebrate me and meagre pieces of me. They do so verbally and some do so in actions but I can always read between the lines. It humbles me every time and I keep searching and planning on how I can measure up to all that they have done to see me live happily.
The community in which a grew up had such a humble setting. Not a space full of mansions but very many relatively small homes which were close to one another. My name always came up in conversations within different homes. I remember how parents would send some of their children to our home to learn how to be as disciplined as I was. Every time this happened, I’d see my mother smile with pride but shortly after they had left she’d laugh because she thought I had successfully managed to fool other people. I understand that I was a very stubborn child and I did give my mother a hard time but I wasn’t a bad child after all. I remember I was everyone’s favorite. This has two effects. One, it feels good to be loved by literally everyone . Two, it’s disturbing to find that you are given the most attention . I know of parents who favored me more than their own children. I found myself having to apologize to my friends on behalf of their parents. When I look back I know I was right to feel disturbed by that. How we are treated in our childhood can affect how we treat others in future or even how we live our lives. Children ought to be treated equally.
I am grateful for whoever has impacted or contributed to my living well.
As I add another year, there are things I have acknowledged and probably learnt about myself. I love fun. I am not necessarily a fun person to be around. I am a hopeless romantic. I love my jeans and my t-shirts. Classy Mustard clothes would make up my wardrobe if I had lots of money. I am an anthophile and I admire how flowers attract all kinds of things. I love random sticky notes with well written messages. I wouldn’t mind surprises as much as I am never sure of the right reactions to give. I love dressing up and taking photos. I love letting the inner toddler out to play. I believe in love and fairly tales. I love staying home but once in a while I wanna go out.
I find that 20th September is a very special day.