Evening walk.. Time check 7pm.
Today ,I was sure l didn’t want to think about anything because usually when I take these walks, then I am up to something. I guess my mind creates different scenarios as I take those lonely walks and so does my heart.
Seriously… I’m only trying this to get the assurance that my sprained leg will function again.
“God, I do not want to be lame,” I pray
I make one step for the first time in a while and I’m amazed at how I can even balance on this leg. Can you imagine? I’m just like my little nephew who is excited about his first advances on crawling. I’m successful all through.
Several conversations are echoing through my mind… I close my eyes and beg my mind not to betray me this once. I’m disinclined to think about anything at this moment. Although I’m aware that thoughts are priceless, I also know that they’d cost me my own sanity.
The neighborhood is already lighting and somehow I can see my shadows as l move (they are about four) . How possible is it that we can form four shadows of own selves?! . I convince myself that we are “we” but it’s actually just me alone. I try to turn around and make sure that I’m alone on this path .
The path is clear. I’m alone. I love it this way!
I smile at the thought of what this could mean. I’m doing exactly what I tried as much not to, earlier. thinking!
Every shadow carries a part of me though in a blur form. The first one is the little childish version of me. The one that seeks attention,cries when ignored, still wishes to have cerelac as a daily meal, wants to be carried on mum’s laps and longs to be sang to sleep with her favourite lullaby.
The second is the ‘me’ in my room. The one who tries all shades of make up just so to find out which one is fit for her face. The girl who tries all outfits and still comes out with a hoodie because it hides a lot. Does it?! There is also that girl that has practiced all dance moves in front of the mirror and laughed out at how easily she makes those silly mistakes in the strokes. To my mirror,I’m the best news anchor, the best vocalist, the unbeatable fashion designer and the most beautiful girl (it has seen). The mirror is my best friend, she has seen me do practically everything except the ones in the third and fourth shadow.
By this time, I’m sure about the other two shadows but I’m not certain I want to find out about them because I’m afraid of finding out about the other me I’ve been trying to ignore.
My mind has betrayed me!
The third shadow..
My mind suggests,” I’m afraid you do not want anything to do with this one”
“I enjoy this part of you, the most. ” My heart bails me out.
“The one who loves!”
My heart and mind tend not to be on the same page but I’m enjoying every bit of this. The one who loves…Though I start to notice that the third shadow looks like it has a huge rock falling through it… much more like a tree branch tearing it apart yet it is resolute and does not waver until it is subsumed in the fourth shadow
Fast forward, the fourth shadow (faces the very direction I’m taking) . This is what I have become, the one who faces life with positivity and moves with no fear of what tomorrow might hold. Fear, they say ,is a dangerous animal with no sharp teeth but with ability to feast on you like a hungry lion. I’m so in love with the fourth shadow. You know why… It’d be of help by bringing out the other three versions of me without struggle.
As I limp back home, there’s still some pain crawling in my leg but I can’t stop smiling at the imaginations that I had earlier on.
The first three shadows disappear and the fourth gently smiles at me.
“You’re welcome, home,” echoes the fourth shadow.
I’m grateful that at least this one chose to stay with me tonight.